Calvin and Hobbes: Road to Pittsburgh
by Sailor Androm3da
Summary: Based on a Family Guy episode with a similar name, Calvin gets shipped off to a boarding school and it's up to Hobbes to bust him out and get him back home!
1. Part 1: Shipped Out

It was a beautiful day in the neighbourhood. Calvin was at school, heading down the hall towards the bus to go home. Suddenly, he heard voices coming from the foyer. He peeked around the corner and saw Ms. Wormwood and his parents talking.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Calvin's mom asked.

"Absolutely. It's either now or never." replied Ms. Wormwood.

They turned their heads around and saw Calvin peeking around the corner "Oh, Calvin!" said his mom "It's a good thing you're here, because we have some news."

Ms. Wormwood took a pamphlet out of her dress pocket "We're transferring you to a private school."

Calvin's eyes grew huge and he instantly fainted.

"He took it better than we thought." said Dad.


	2. Part 2: To the Rescue

The next day, Calvin packed up to go.

"I'm gonna miss you, old buddy." sniffled Calvin.

"Me too, Calvin."

They both hugged, then Calvin trudged down the stairs to the car and they drove away. Hobbes looked out the window, and cried.

Three hours later, the car drove through a large black gate in front of a big stone building. Calvin got out of the car and looked at it confused.

"Calvin" said Mom "this is your new school: The Boston Academy for Boys."

They walked through the halls into a big office for registration. Calvin gulped.

Later on, at lunchtime, Calvin sat the lunch table by himself. A group of boys dressed in school uniform came up to him.

"Are you the new boy?" asked one kid with an English accent.

"Yeah, what about it?" asked Calvin.

"GET HIM!"

Without warning, a food fight erupted, and flying food stuffs pelted poor Calvin! He tried to run away, but he was instantly creamed by a splat of mashed potatoes.

Meanwhile back home, Hobbes and the rest of the neighbourhood cats were watching TV on the couch while Calvin's parents were on their way home.

"What's up with this Garfield fellow?" asked Dusty, a gray cat with black spots "He's such a lazy lardbutt!"

Hobbes was just sitting quietly, picking at his tuna sandwich.

"What's the matter?" Dusty asked "Are you still sad about that kid of yours? It's alright, Hobbes, he's just going to a new school. You`ll see him again."

"Yeah, every weekend and holiday." Hobbes was silent for a little while, the suddenly he perked up "I'm going to save him!"

Hobbes ran upstairs and into Calvin's room. From under the bed he pulled out a long utility belt with all kinds of useful tools on it. He strapped it on and jumped out the window. Hobbes slid down the tree, hopped in Calvin's wagon and took off down the road. Right then, Calvin's parents came home. When Mom took one look at the living room she screamed "AAAAUGH! STRAY CATS IN THE HOUSE!"


	3. Part 3: Road to Pittsburgh

That night, Hobbes made it to the school. The top of the fences had barbed wire and had points. The whole campus looked like a prison. Hobbes used his claws to pick the lock on the gate, and then he slipped inside the courtyard.

He went over to an air vent on the side of the building, and yanked it off the wall. With the speed and cunning of a fox, he crawled up the duct and into the vents. As he crawled along, he heard the loud footsteps of the night guard walking down the hall.

Calvin was in his dorm, grumbling in bed. Suddenly, the cover on the vent broke off, and out came Hobbes!

"Hobbes?" asked Calvin "Is that you?"

"You bet, ol' buddy. I'm busting you out of here!"

Calvin and Hobbes snuck out of Calvin's room and tiptoed down the hall. They quickly hid behind a trash can when they heard the night guard coming their way. The guard shined his flashlight all around the hallway then continued forward. Calvin breathed a sigh of relief then carefully got out from behind the can. Suddenly, Calvin nudged it by accident and it tipped over, causing a loud crash and waste to spill out everywhere. The guard turned around and ran towards them "Hey, stop right there!"

The two friends sprinted as fast as they could through the halls with the guard on hot pursuit. They eventually came to a dead end where the bathrooms were. Hobbes tried to open the boy's bathroom door, but it was locked. The guard slowly walked up to them "I got you now!" he laughed.

Hobbes started to get angry, and then out of nowhere, he charged and pounced on the guard. Calvin covered his eyes. Hobbes got off the guard, who was now curled up in a ball, crippled with pain. Calvin and Hobbes darted out of the school and into the courtyard. They hopped in the wagon and set out again. Calvin was free.

Halfway home, Calvin said to Hobbes "I just wanted to thank you for all that you did today. I know this whole trip has been a mess."

"Hey, It hasn't been all bad!" replied Hobbes "I must admit there have been some moments that were…dear I say…fun."

_Road to Pittsburgh Song_

_(To the tune of "Road to Rhode Island" from Family Guy)_

_(Both) We're off on the road to Pittsburgh! We're having the time of our lives!_

_(Calvin) Take it, buddy!_

_(Hobbes) We're quite a pair of partners just like Thelma and Louise. Except you're not six feet tall-_

_(Calvin) –and you're not "PBBT!" Hey, who cut the cheese?_

_(Hobbes) You did._

_(Both) We're off on the road to Pittsburgh! We're certainly traveling in style!_

_(Hobbes) I'm with an intellectual who whines and shouts and rants._

_(Calvin) How dare you! At least I don't use a litter box and all the backyard plants!_

_(Hobbes) Oh, bathroom jokes._

_(Both) We traveled a bit, and we found, like a ball of twine in Kansas we're Pittsburgh bound!_

**THE END.**


End file.
